Innocence Wanted
lost innocence imprisoned cries for times of past
where believing everything is true forever did last
frosted face pressed by this window this pane of cold glass
lay thinking of gold and silver in this land of pale graying brass
gold and silver shining like pure and heavenly auburn
dreamed about sunsets on an emerald grassy meadow
wished to be pure and untainted a child freshly born
to smile and laugh that tinkling laugh when time did allow
run around to steal soft kisses from dew clad grass
then an innocent heart counted time for a day to pass
but not for an end but just for sparkling stars to shine high
to hear silent lullabies light years ago etched in this sky
now here lays this frozen face pressed on cold glass
thinking of broken love lost friends and a betrayed past
counting coins to meet ends of life in pain ever last
dreaming of innocence lost drop by drop as time did pass
I Sip A Bitter Cocktail
every drop tastes in bitterness divine
every tear freezes harder where cheeks align
with dearest death oh sweetness i entwine
with feelings drowned in sorrow i shall resign
pure love is a failed campaign for glory
where that cup of victory is a hard sip
lay groveling in sand dirtied in details gory
is the only victory your hand will dip
countless are the lies set in absent shame
clouded minds made all mistakes done in heat
when you are a two who will take the blame
will you or your other one still beloved in defeat
in hollow anger shame flies like autumn birds
fleeing from approaching terrible winter dates
in that absent shame let forth violent words
like a lake hugged in freezing wintered fate
lay groveling in sand of defeat this cold november
in reminiscence of glory days when time flies
in bitterness an empty smile i remember
and will lay freezing when every fleck of light dies
resigned from life this empty shell becomes me
now lay weeping of days with happier dealings
how a mighty oak gives way to a cold axe in fury
chip by chip every sorrow strikes with harder feelings
this november final flowers of a season blooms and wither
count those fragile petals before wind blows them away
reality is a frame lost in reason and doused bitter
death is a cocktail that tastes better come your final day
in shivering cold i count each cycle of day and night
just empty numbers meant for dying petals by the lake
and count and sip every drop divine till i loose the fight
oh tears shall freeze harder my dearest when death shall take
Pantoum: My Lover Sailed Away
smiling he waves from further away
in a ship sailing on sapphire waters
with tears my suffering eyes gives way
beat by beat my heart painfully falters
in a ship sailing on sapphire waters
they all went hunting for gold in new lands
beat by beat my heart painfully falters
i fear he lost his heart on foreign sands
they all went hunting for gold in new lands
he promised fruits from an emerald field
i fear he lost his heart on foreign sands
he is gone for long fear he lost his shield
he promised fruits from an emerald field
i wanted not treasure but his silken touch
he is gone for long fear he lost his shield
fear he met his demise oh i miss so much
i wanted not treasure but his silken touch
but only got wind caressing me these cold nights
fear he met his demise oh i miss so much
ever my pained cloudy eyes see ghostly sights
but only got wind caressing me these cold nights
sleepless in solitude as midnight wane
ever my pained cloudy eyes see ghostly sights
now over the hill i see his floating pale frame
sleepless in solitude as midnight wane
with tears my suffering eyes gives way
now over the hill i see his floating pale frame
smiling he waves from further away
this is my second attempt at the pantoum form, which i think is a great but challenging way for storytelling. ever since i read about it at dVerse – Poets Pub, i’ve been in love with it.
The Schizoid Suspect
they came every night in shrill voices
to talk about me how dull am i
in manic laughter to expose my vices
in my head tearing my every sigh
drained by every effort to shut their lies
now lay chained i am a promethean son
like a burning cauldron this pale mind cries
it stirs and boils till broth is done
their gaze left me in catatonic states
in this glass house they recited my every move
what became of me are there darker fates
on the witness stand my insanity they proved
A Doll Laments (A Toy’s Story)
i was polished and shining, my frock of velvet blue
socks of silky white and shoes of plastic black
a dad’s gift to his lovely angel he held dear
on a birthday bash i saw the light of day
the light of day and the shine in your eyes
you hugged him, with me pressed in between
i heard you say i love you daddy, so much
and soon i became your new toy and love too
when you pressed me on the front
i said “hello hello oh my dear”
with my voice crystal clear
loud and proud, i was the queen
in your tea party i occupied the prime spot
deep in you where it beats, but so long ago
oh how time flies and changes, “hello hello”
now it seems like ages ago, “oh my dear”
now i see the ages with my glassy eyes
with it’s fading shine my vision blurs
and around me my world now crumbles
it will do because you are no more
i’m no more too, my limbs i can’t find
dismembered but i didn’t shed any blood
i’m of plastic but i felt the pain like you
about you who shed blood while i blurred
you screamed pain and fear, “oh my dear”
still i felt the purity deep in your voice
crystal clear and beyond what i could
i felt shame about my only “hello hello”
and it was to shame you finally succumbed
wet my velvet frock with your tears and blood red
you ripped my limbs in your pain which i felt magnified
infinite times because i was your dear love
it was your blood that bastard finally drew
to hide forever his crime, the one i witnessed
i wanted to curse him to hell and deep beyond
but all i could say was “hello hello oh my dear”
my eyes went bloodshot with tears i couldn’t cry
your blood which soaked my eyes and all left of me
left disfigured trampled and choked just like you
just like so, they found us both in a deep ditch
they buried you deep again but now in a box
i felt the mourners wail and a dad’s silence
lost his voice in shock and loss of what was dear
in heaviness of that mourning autumn “oh my dear”
then they threw me in a box with all your memories
and hid in a dusty cellar where i now reside
i cherish the days of long ago, oh how i want it back
“hello hello” i have story to tell but no one to hear
The Tomorrow
i switch on the lights . . .
now i see a photograph
of us together, from a time
when we was still together
still smiling like children
like children in the dawn
the mischief
the gleam in your eyes
the ghost of our lives
when we still believed
there was no tomorrow
i switch off the lights . . .
now i see darkness
i see myself alone, in a time
when nothing seems to hold on
the sadness, the regret, the parting
life after dusk
when everything i believed on
has finally faded away
leaving the ghost of myself
to linger on
in my tomorrow
The End That Never Comes
sun it rises, burning crimson rays on my window
it’s hopefully my last sun, oh so awful sight
now i’m weaker than my faint morning shadow
because i opened my veins to drain yesterday night
heart it beats, emptying all my blood now so cold
with fatigue it slows down cursing me for it’s fate
pain so awful, burns more like wounds of old
my pulse so pounding, hunger for death i can’t sate
i should have been gone now, banished to the deepest pits
why i still writhe in this drama of pain, pooling blood on stage
another sun on my face, why so long, when i said quits
lived a life full of lies, can’t live more to write another page
death it never comes for me, i still endure this freakish hell
sun it peaks, triumphant now burning rays on my pale face
oh so terrible that i wanted to find solace in deepest hell
clotting blood around me now, betrayed even by death’s embrace
take me to your refuge, oh angel of the fallen
denied life and now denied death i wanted to be mine
believed in all lies they taught, now i feel stolen
waiting for something in between, my soul lay supine
Reclaimed By Dark Seas
the silence of your empty heart
pouring from your blurry eyes
when you got no more words to say
no more roads to walk together
the paths you walked holding hands
on the sands of an island heart
are gone, washed by raging seas
bought storms over your crown
enshrined tightly shining lightly
in the brightest rays of twilight moon
the one ring you clutch and hold so dear
a last gift for the raging seas
in the boredom you tried to kill
are disillusioned thoughts eating
your weeping black heart
silently gone, last bits of sanity
resigned thoughts silently sought
in the deepest pits of dark blue seas
a distant echo calls your denied soul
for a different salvation denied to others
entwined tightly resenting lightly
waters embrace your last breath
all memories erased and replaced
by empty redemption you sought
Vortex (Memories Of A Ghostly Encounter)
her name is what i write on water
and does she know my feelings for her
i just cannot hold my breath further
if it was another place we would end up together
my thoughts drown in a spinning vortex
all my memories of her favorite smile
it is her face i tried to draw on sand
before my mind went totally blank
she was too fragile to touch
she was too far away to kiss
only a promise of a distant meeting
kept me going for so long
now i want to drown in a spinning vortex
and will she ever recognize me
if i was in plain sight for her to see
i just cannot leave and say so let it be
because i’m deep into the vortex which is me
i just cannot hold my breath further
we should have end up together
Self Depreciation
praise they had it all flowing for me
but don’t know why i hate to admit
all the love they had set aside for me
why i want to deny all what they commit
i’m far intelligent and respected they all claim
stop now, keep aside your stupid self blame
appreciate your abilities, don’t deny the acclaim
but long gone, i feel is my desire for fame
where is my sense of enjoyment they ask
why don’t you love when all they do is admire
cannot decipher, why is your face a mask
is the flow a stranger to you, they inquire
feel like i have lost it all
all in a stupid race against time
time erased my pride to fight
fight made me weak and to regret
regret led to all the bitterness
bitterness against all is what i feel
admiration makes my deep bones rattle
send down electric shivers through my spine
my feelings shame me down to think i’m cattle
feel like want to wrap my head on twine
i hate when they say i’m a part of the cycle
and want to know why i missed the party
the cycle they can dispose and recycle
never did i care if they said i have lost my sanity
Hallucinating in the Midnight Dreams
she thrashes the sheets beside me
acidic froth spews from her deepest pits
flaming birds circling above is all i see
i knew what i was looking at, i summoned my wits
she watches me with bleary eyes
as the world comes smoking down
damnation, all above me flies the lies
crumbling scenes of desperation all around
entwined around the sheets lay our calm
as her acidic spew burns my throat deep
soothing like a whisper of death, she takes my palm
no more regrets now as my soul weep
(more…)
Shatter Not My Rooks
my heart is for you
shatter not my rooks
i built my castles high
grey is it’s shadow in the morning light
grey banners sway in the purple sky
grey like me but behold the sight
coz in my heart i built for you
queer the colors but bear with me
coz in my heart i built for you
shatter not my rooks
shatter not my heart
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