when everything else fails

Pantoum: Lines In Water

where are the lines i drew in water
nowhere to find in this crystalline sheet
in shame i will bury my head further
with my tongue a lingering bitterness meet

nowhere to find in this crystalline sheet
i buried myself in water head deep
with my tongue a lingering bitterness meet
leaving me choking while shivers creep

i buried myself in water head deep
searching in vain for my silvery lines
leaving me choking while shivers creep
from far away for me a bell chimes

searching in vain for my silvery lines
my pounding heart screams in despair
from far away for me a bell chimes
lines i drew must be buried somewhere

my pounding heart screams in despair
in shame i will bury my head further
lines i drew must be buried somewhere
where are the lines i drew in water

Advertisements

17 responses

  1. This flows like water, the elusive lines ever drawing you in.Then suddenly you are too far in and all is lost , your bell chimes. This is an elemental ethereal poem .Beautiful.

    September 11, 2011 at 8:33 pm

    • thanks a lot for commenting. your visits to my blog are much appreciated πŸ™‚

      September 18, 2011 at 12:42 am

  2. simone

    I love everything about this poem. Beautiful and deep.

    September 12, 2011 at 1:51 am

    • thanks for commenting. glad you liked it.

      September 18, 2011 at 12:43 am

  3. The calculated rhythm and repetition build in an almost frantic feeling as I read this. It creates a tension in my chest that conveys the desperation presented in the words. An excellent demonstration of how poetry enhances a concept and impacts our emotions as it speaks to our hearts. The idea of drawing lines in liquid which cannot retain the shapes is intriguing. Very inspiring work! Good writing

    September 12, 2011 at 2:19 am

    • i feel the rhythm is built by the poetic form, a pantoum is a powerful form if utilized correctly which i hope i would be able to one day. thanks for your encouraging words.

      September 18, 2011 at 12:45 am

  4. lovely indeed

    September 12, 2011 at 5:58 am

  5. Thanks for dropping by at my place πŸ™‚ Just want to let you know that I added you on my blogroll! Smile πŸ™‚

    September 12, 2011 at 6:00 am

    • thanks for the add. i will be visiting your blog regularly too. πŸ™‚

      September 18, 2011 at 12:46 am

  6. clever use of the pantoum form to emphasize to words

    September 12, 2011 at 12:07 pm

  7. This feels desperate and frantic–I would think it is most frustrating to try and find lines in water–futile and sad. I like writings that I can feel. This is powerful.

    Love this pantoum form that you chose too.

    September 12, 2011 at 1:03 pm

    • i’m glad you enjoyed this poem. i think i still have a lot to learn using poetic forms. i’m much more confident with free verses.

      September 18, 2011 at 12:48 am

      • I feel the same way!

        September 18, 2011 at 7:44 am

  8. The futility of watery lines drawn, silvery frantic dispersal of all sense is felt throughout. xPenx

    September 13, 2011 at 12:09 am

    • thanks for commenting. your blog is beautiful, just like a living dream. πŸ™‚

      September 18, 2011 at 12:49 am

  9. Beautifully done.

    September 18, 2011 at 1:59 am

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s